Relationship Lessons from The Bachelor with Tenley Molzahn
While you many not watch every season of The Bachelor, many of us have seen at least one episode. The idea of a group of women competing for one single man can be quite entertaining. Three years ago, we sat down with Tenley Molzahn who was one of the contestants vying for a rose on The Bachelor. Prior to doing the show, Tenley had been a dancer with Disney and had been married. Her marriage ended after 15 months when her husband cheated on her. She shared with us about her faith and the relationship lessons she learned while on The Bachelor.
After her marriage ended, Tenley found herself heartbroken from the divorce. Being on The Bachelor not only motivated her to process things physically – taking her wedding ring off and taking down the wedding pictures – but more importantly allowing her the needed emotional and spiritual healing.
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Colossians 3:12-14
Tenley shared, “I grew so much! I experienced a lot of feelings. I would never ever encourage somebody to go non a show like this to get through these feelings. But it was very unique for me. There were moments where I felt completely romanced to God and I really was able to let go. I mean when my life had become unraveled during big changes in it, I realized I wanted control and wanted to hold everything close, I had a really hard time letting go of things. But when I went off to do The Bachelor I couldn’t make decisions. Meaning, I could make my own cognitive decisions, but as for what I was doing that day or how I would spend the day, I was at the will of other people. The producers told me where I was going to go, when to be ready, what I was going to do, when I was going to eat, or who I was going to see. So I really had to let go and I just didn’t have any control. It was really just a beautiful time for me.”
Going on The Bachelor, came at the prompting of her sister who was sick of seeing Tenley sad. What started as a joke between the two of them, became reality and the show provided Tenley with an opportunity to not only process her divorce but also to see the greater purpose in it. She hopes that by sharing her story that others will be reminded of God’s love.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
Thinking that there is a purpose, and my purpose is greater than this heartache; just to move forward and every day to get up with the choice to find the beauty in that day and where that is taking me next. It’s so much easier said than done, but I kind of thrived in those moments that I had to pull myself together and get myself going and keep dreaming. I kept surrendering. I had to surrender to knowing that God has got me and that I’m not in this alone; there is a purpose and there is a piece in my past that is getting me to the people that I need to reach and be a part of each others life experiences that will strengthen me and help me grow.
While it can be entertaining to watch people compete on television for love, remember that all reality shows are produced at the end of the day. The “perfect” dates are orchestrated as they play out in front of the cameras. The cast spends hours on their hair and make-up to look perfect. The “perfect” relationships often end a couple months later when the cameras are no longer rolling. God’s love is the only perfect love. He wants us to experience His love so that we can in turn love others. Relationships take time and work. Communication, conflict resolution, commitment and forgiveness are all necessary ingredients to make a relationship work.
- Is your heart hurting? Whether it is a dissolved friendship, marriage or relationship with a family member, God wants us to turn to Him to heal our hurt. We often turn to other people or other things to get temporal relief, but only true healing can happen through Him. Take time to get into His word and pray. There are lots of great resources too that can help you process your hurt.
- Need help? It’s okay to reach out for help when we are hurting! Whether it is a trusted friend or counselor, make time to sit down with someone to get perspective on your situation. Through time and God’s truth and grace, you will be able to find healing. It might be painful at first, but stay the course.
- Who do you need to forgive? God wants us to forgive others just like He has forgiven us. While it is easier said than done, it is a process. By forgiving someone that has wronged or hurt you, you will be able to experience healing and freedom. Remember that forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you have to condone what has been done. It just means releasing the situation to God.
- Have a key to your relationship? We want to hear from you! Have you found a resource or tip that you have found to be successful in your relationship? Share it on our FB page. From date nights to conflict resolution, we love hearing what others have learned along the way.
To read our entire interview with Tenley Molzhan and her experience on The Bachelor click here.
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